Compendium of INSANITY!

HAH! I finally got my little sister to watch Star Trek (original series so far) and Doctor Who. :D Even better, she is using our dog as a pillow and said dog is loving the rendition of 'I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen'.

My mom has been in a terrible mood all weekend; it began when I rearranged her magnets. I don't know whether to laugh or cry, she was laughing at first....but it became Not Funny at some point later in the evening (while I was no where near her, of course). My logic was, you are going to use the magnets anyhow so who cares? But apparently she rearranged them in categories the first time around. I honestly thought she'd just thrown them up when we got the new fridge, out of boredom. What else is an orderly magnet grid supposed to symbolize? At least my arrangement was interesting. It was the weirdest miscommunication I have ever had, and very indicative.

Pah. I think I finally found a job. Naturally I am starting college again soon so there isn't as much time for extra work hours. I hope it works out because it'll be possible to walk to this one ~~without getting crushed by cars~~ after getting off the amtrak from Lancaster-- it is on my way home!!! How refreshing. I tell you, if this set up existed at home then I would never have left. :D

Nothing really makes any sense. :s This isn't a huge revelation for me, because I've pretty much always thought/known/believed that. But lately it has been popping up in regard to college itself (yeah, not the most global issue there I know). I don't really know why I am in college; yeah, I want to learn and be successful in life. But college has not done that AT ALL, the only courses I've learned anything in were epidemiology and calculus 1 & 2. The rest of them were just following procedure and tapping into what skills and prior knowledge I have.

Then the way financial aid works is just baffling. My parents make lots of money but they are not in a good way financially and can't (and wouldn't) pay for college at all. They let me live with them, and that is enough for me. But them making money pretty much screws me over completely, seeing as FAFSA decides I don't need financial aid. And I am not a PA resident, even though I am no longer an OH resident since I live in PA.

It's all just stupid red tape. I could write a bunch of lovely essays on this, but no one would give me any scholarships for it. And I'm sure I could do a lovely presentation/etc. on it for any class at university, give it the right spin for whatever topic the class is on, but chances are I would totally bomb it. Because it isn't what the world is looking for. At least not from some out of place 20 year old girl.

lol And I'm not really even that cynical at all, in general. But I'm not really quite sure what is supposed to give my life meaning here. I think maybe I've just gotten myself into a situation where it is a little hard to be content. After all, I still haven't found a job and the only thing NOT up in the air is the fact I will be spending money on 3/4 time classes Spring 2010. But after that.........? Will I be a PA resident? Will I have a job? Will my loan be redeferred? Will I get more financial aid? Will I go battshit insane, run off into the woods, and become a hermit?

I didn't have this problem before last year; I was perfectly content keeping myself entertained and finding my own fulfillment. Too bad what changed is still a big blank. The answer will be found soon though. And this problem will go away. But that doesn't make me respect the world any more, because if I "win" (which I will, whatever happens) then things still make just about the same amount of sense. I'd change it, but I don't know how.

This sound horrible: http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/discoblog/2009/01/29/the-curious-case-of-the-immortal-jellyfish/ For one thing, dying someday is okay with me; otherwise humans would probably not do much but float about in their metaphorical oceans for the foreseeable future. Between the existential angst and the cynicism no one seems terribly motivated to do anything worthwhile for the sake of it-- all of the people I've met never do anything good just for the sake of it, there has to be another reason. But you know, maybe if we all just did what makes us happy the world would be 134234X happier and more enjoyable, because then people would do what it is they think they are meant to be doing.

I got an iPod touch! It is amazing and I spend lots of time dragging it from place to place just so I can sit it down and play music without headphones!!!! or tilt it and make the icons wiggle and bunches of other wondrous things. The price was a trip to Wal-Mart where I followed my mother about wishing I were anywhere else, because Wal-Mart might actually be hell. ...if I get a seasonal job there I will laugh very hard.

And Inkheart makes me happy whenever I read it. It has inspired me to decide which book I would want to read myself into if I had a choice. I'm thinking Doctor Who even though it is a television show, since there are novelizations. Pretty much the most adventurous story one could slip into and I would LOVE it in the Whoverse. LOVE<3

Every so often the time traveling rabbit guy from Donnie Darko comes back to haunt me; mostly it is when this song is played (by my sister to torture me). I Am Legend is the only other movie that has creeped me out long after watching it. D: D: D:

Though the earmuffs scene and Donnie's completely deranged facial expressions make me laugh every time. :D :D :D

I shall distract myself. With a Big Five test to celebrate the fact that I register for spring sem classes tomorrow (Abnormal Psych, Intro to Bio, Technical Writing). Whoooo! Then I'm going to hunt down some music.

Big Five Word Test Results

Extroversion (38%) moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.
Accommodation (70%) high which suggests you are overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense too often of your own individual development (martyr complex).
Orderliness (27%) low which suggests you are overly flexible, random, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of structure, reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Emotional Stability (58%) moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Inquisitiveness (64%) moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Take Free Big Five Word Choice Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Today I received several things which served as a wake-up call; for one thing my week long headache has disappeared which means I am fit to exist again. Then I received the happiest bank statement I have ever seen, because now I know for sure there is enough money for classes Spring semester. I am probably going to take Abnormal Psych, Criminology, and Cultural Anthropology.

It makes me a bit sad not to be taking in or majoring in science, but not sad enough to change anything (again). To be honest, I have about had enough of the way science works academically. All but one of my profs at Miami had this aura of...not quite arrogance, it was something like what you get from super-religious people, ironically. Contempt for outsiders? And an underlying assumption that everyone else is a moron (or damned to hell for all eternity). Exceptionally ironic. Then there is the fact that you look throughout all of history and no one ever believes new discoveries or even remains open, especially in the scientific community. Everyone is so close minded; I do not want to be subjected to that in any arena where I cannot immediately act on it, to them, directly. In as kind a way as possible, of course, seeing as pushing my ideas and facts would be hypocritical at best.

This is coming from the girl who spent all of her life wanting to be an astrophysicist or quantum physicist. It is not that I really have any hang ups with scientists themselves, I just do not like the way the show is run and would rather be involved with discovery in my field rather than maintenance of our conduct. :P

Gah. Anyhow, I am meanwhile hoping that I get a job as server at Chili's-- betcha I can make bundles in tips if I am in a fairly personable mood. Though I will most like dump someones dinner all over them at least once, or forget things routinely. Woe. This is why I wanted to find a lovely and quiet job at a library. The worst I could do there is get crushed by stacks. And I'm sure they have insurance for that.

Supernatural one tonight, then White Collar, then Merlin......hooray! I must hunt down food now, as I am exceptionally hungry. And my headache is returning.... D:

Sometimes it totally feels like my life is just running a loop. If I thought that any traditions would be broken by me escaping Oxford, I was completely wrong. For one thing, after 10 years of my parents constantly saying "we are moving!" we have moved....and they've begun saying it. Again. The only difference is I can leave whenever I want, but will not because I made the choice to come here. (And I'd be crap if I left my sister to fend for herself.)

The only thing I have not mentioned yet to anyone is that I actually miss home. There is not much I enjoyed while I was there, but I miss the woods and the squirrels and the bitchy/faux-polite people. Maybe it is because I have yet to accomplish anything at all where we are now.

That's the crux of the matter there, and I have a feeling that I will be much better off once something finally does happen. I have a list of possibilities that has been growing for the past month (we may move, loan may not be deferred, jobs happening, college issues, monetary problems, etc.) and for once I cannot do anything. D: Totally against my nature not to take action immediately, but maybe I am maturing a bit. Just a little tiny bit?

I get to take Introduction to Sociology in month, even if it is only an internet course through MU I am thrilled. Ecstatic. Jubilant! Throw in a job with people and I'll cry with joy (and this time not hysteria-induced because I laid on my muffins....).